Good Sleep and New Dreams

Sunday, July 11, 2021

I have these ebbs and flows with my energy, focus, emotions and submission.  Yesterday was likely a down day.  There's always too much to do and not enough time to do it in period.  I took the day off and let myself feel life.  It was good and I got my much needed reset.  I played games, watched bad tv, caught some tennis and ate takeout.  Side note: didn't expect that Kung Pao shrimp from Red Lobster would be a treat but let me tell you it was a banger.  I am almost tempted to send out for it again but I'll debate it.  As I was settling into the Djokovic match, and my inevitable angst when one of my favorite players is on, my timeline memories brought up my first trip to Amsterdam and views from my hotel room.  I LOVE that hotel y'all.  Like it's my favorite place to be solo.  The room is comfortable.  The views are amazing.  It's close to everything.  The food and drinks are amazing and all I have to do is check in and mind my business.  Explore and enjoy having a key card that lets me up to the top floors for drinks, better views and ridiculous service.  Of course I can't set up shop in a hotel forever but if I could that would be my spot.  I'd have to boost the WiFi but it would be well worth it.

Sorry had to take a pause because the match is now over and Novak was a dream killer again.  Not mine mind you but after losing the first set to his opponent, Matteo Berrettini, he won the next three including breaking the last serve in the fourth to take it 6-3.  I know folks don't like him because he so clearly wants to win and in most cases is just better than the folks they want him to lose to most days.  I tend to root for underdogs--and my favorite "villains" which I need to put in quotes.  They are only villains to folks who don't like them or because they can steal your soul when you play against them.  Novak is now tied with Roger and Rafa for 20 grand slam titles.  He's gotten there by winning three grand slams this year and is poised to potentially win the calendar year grand slam and provided he plays well in the Olympics the Golden Slam--all the grand slam titles plus the Olympic gold medal.  I'll keep my fingers crossed and my remote ready to flip to something else because I don't want my very much so able to control the outcome of a match anxiety from infecting Novak from across the television.  Yeah don't worry I know that's not true but doesn't make me comfortable watching until the match is almost over.  I was wondering how long it had taken Novak to get to 20 and much like Roger (15 years) and Rafa (15 years) it was just over a decade (13 years).  What I didn't realize was 19 or the 20 titles Novak has won came in a ten year period.  Dislike him forever if you must but the man is just ridiculously good.

So back to my meandering.  As I fell asleep last night, I said a quiet prayer.  More like whispered but that's not really the point.  I prayed for peace, for my family and friends to be safe and that if it was meant to be that a new love enter my life and give me whatever it was that I was meant to have.  I may have included that I dream about him overnight but I really can't remember.  I do know that I slept like a baby.  A fat happy well fed baby who just knew that it was the center of its loved ones' universe.  No dreams, no angst, no tears, just sleep.  And it was exactly what I needed.  A large part of me is sure I'll be single indefinitely.  Not because men suck or I'm not desperately looking but because my life doesn't easily make room for partners.  Maybe I won't but I'm leaving that up to the universe and whatever higher power isn't totally over taking care of me when I make silly mistakes to sort out.  I'm happy and I'm going to enjoy that for as long as I can.


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