We Must Be Prompt lol #11

Thursday, October 28, 2021

Describe five ice things that happened to you in the past week.  Then, list five nice things that you will do for others next week.

This post will probably be short but if not meh, you're the one reading this, that's your fault if you get bored.  First nice things that happened to me.

  • We had a great going away party for a colleague that I love and has made me feel like her daughter for the last few years
  • I got to see delight from a young woman who was connected to professionals that look like her
  • I gave a brief talked that seemed to be well received
  • I had a good and cleansing conversation with my ex
  • I slept in and rested and didn't force myself to be great--and no one complained 

Things I will do for other people

  1. I will make dinner for mom
  2. I will work on keeping my temper in check because nothing is worth making her upset and messing with my peace
  3. I will get some work done so other folks can get their work done
  4. I will forgive people who haven't asked for it because it will be better for both of us
  5. I will forget as many old slights as possible because my stupid horoscope was right, getting mad at people who don't behave the way I think they should is stupid.  I don't control the universe and my way makes sense for me.
  6. I will pledge to support new colleagues in their pursuit
  7. I will keep complimenting strangers randomly because I enjoy smiling under my mask
  8. I will do one more thing for my mom/colleague
  9. I will donate to some random kid thing when asked
  10. I will send good morning photos to at least one person 

So now that the prompt is over.  Doing this writing, and thinking and processing in the moment is so good for me.  I saw something right before I started writing that may have wrecked me before because I would have ruminated on it, debated saying anything about it and then agonizing about why not me when it would change nothing and derail my mood pointlessly.  Submissive spiraling is the fucking worst y'all.  It would have messed up what was a really fucking good day otherwise.  And the truth of the matter is part of me would have fed on that and done the woe is me, I never get chosen bullshit because it would have made me feel entitled to my rage and irritation that would have morphed into sadness and moping which would have led to oversleeping and overeating.  For real submissive spiraling is fucktacular.  

But it doesn't matter why not me.  It doesn't matter that I'm single and not all approaching a relationship with anyone in particular.  I'm on the verge of moving, of birthing a new project to completion, of needing to finish up two other projects and I'm sleeping like a slightly cranky baby but there are no nightmares, there's no one leaving me in them and I wake up happyish and rested.  Thursdays tend to be my last day of work in the office each week and eventually I may pick up another gig with a friend I adore.  What may have doomed my progress the last few years is not owning where I was fucking up and waiting for someone to come claim me before I made any important changes.  Can you imagine ho much happier I would be now had I learned how to self-tie when my last relationships ended?  Just a lot of wasted time there.

My birthday is fast approaching.  I'm looking forward to embracing that next year as one full of growth and possibility no matter if I'm still doing that growth solo or not.  I know that means encouraging my heart to connect with my mind more.  People can feel amazing to you, make you feel amazing in return and for whatever reason not be your person.  My person will find me eventually and embrace my weirdness, kink and desire to sit at his feet.  And have my throat abused, and tie me up, and toss me in the shower and piss on me but now I'm distracted.  Deep sigh, so distracted lol.  My person could be someone I know already or it could be someone that will surprise me. Regardless of who they are or when they arrive I want to know that I was working on giving them the best version of me I have available.


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