Almost Doing Nothing + Prompt 31

Wednesday, November 17, 2021

My schedule has opened up today in the most random of ways so I'm going to enjoy it.  I may go get a pedicure or I may do not a damn thing after I support someone later today.  I'll come back to that later.  Let me get through this prompt first.  Today's writing trigger: Is there any information you wished you came across early on in your submissive journey?  Is there something you wish existed then or even now?  Because I know both responses are gonna take a minute, I'm gonna go ahead and create the page break NOW because I have no idea where I'd break it up eventually.

What do I wish I had known is plentiful.  The first thing that popped into my brain was that I assumed finding new partners would be easier than it actually is.  I stumbled into most of my relationships by meeting people in situations that had nothing to do with kink at all.  We were each other's mutually appreciated secret but I didn't really understand that looking in the same spots or in kink spheres it would be difficult at best.  Now that is partially based on who I want to date.  I've only had Black partners because that is who I am attracted to and most of those men have been educated in the same way that I had been so again limits the dating pool a bit.  But even expanding beyond that to date men who just happened to be Black doesn't provide an easy match.  We don't share the same kinks or interest some of the time.  Men who refer to themselves by their genitalia or who predominantly fuck white women as bulls, Queen of Spades, or some other crazy fetish (to me) is a turn off as well.  Other times, they see D/s as a means to easy sex and the sex is great but not the sum total of what I'm seeking.  Others are too old or too young or too inexperienced.  So the partner hunt can be long and frustrating and full of frogs you don't want to submit to but end up doing it because of what you don't know.

The second thing that popped into my head was the benefit of knowledge.  I'm someone that likes to learn how to do things before I dive in and this is not what happened with D/s.  I learned only as much as my Dominant partners engaged in that activity.  So the thought of what kind of submissive am I and what kinds of skills do I want to develop just didn't occur to me.  And because of where I lived the ability to have a mentor in kink was slim.  The few times I approached other submissive women I admired I was either completely ignored or told they were too busy which I get but instead of figuring out how to learn on my own I just kinda stopped learning at all. 

The final piece of what I wish I knew was being Black in BDSM was gonna be even harder than being Black in vanilla spaces.  The amount of fetishizing that happens, the limited options for events and dating, the racism and sexism that infuse the BDSM community is somehow worse, and the frustration at not being able to change most of those things.  It's an annoying process especially because so much of who I am came alive in kink settings but still feel stymied.  And I guess related to that, the amount of risk involved with being outed.  There are so few of us that we can't claim to just have a doppelganger if someone shares a photo of us in a play space.  

So on to what do I wish existed then or now.  I don't know that it would have mattered to me then but a safe, vetted conduit to met potential Dominant partners would be amazing.  Like a BDSM matchmaking service.  It doesn't eliminate assholes from being in your life but it would hopefully severely curtail them.  I would pay for someone to find the right mental and kink fit for me.  Body type is not as crucial to me as that connection and embracing it.  I think the other is a working history of Blacks in BDSM that seems as comprehensive as possible given the desire for most of us to remain hidden because we know the risks involved in being outed.  I mean I would love to just be out but different discourse.  And I wish there was a training/assessment option for those that wanted to undertake it.  Not on one or two things but like a comprehensive this is how you do your part of the slash.

Yeah I won't bore you with more stuff but I'm excited about my potentially lighter day.


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