Yeah yeah I'm late again, spank me

Thursday, November 25, 2021

I don't really have a good excuse for not posting Wednesday.  Lots of emotions, one step closer to new beginnings and relief at decisions that must be made.  Talked to Good Nyte for a while and then forgot about posting.  Happy Thanksgiving for anyone that's up already.  

Wednesday's Prompt: Is focus something you strive for in your life?  Do you meditate or do other practices which allow you to focus?  I am looking for calm more often than I used to do but it's not a central focus or tenet in my life most of the time.  I do things that make me calm but it's a by product of the thing not the reason I do the thing. Cooking, baking and working out are because I like to eat and need to not gain 90K pounds.  The fact that I feel better after each of those things is a happy coincidence more than anything else.  I mean sex would fall in there too but really not doing that right now so that may just be a memory and not factual in the slightest.  Long story short, not a goal but a happy accident when it occurs.

Thursday's Prompt: Are there areas in your life where you are encouraged to be independent?  I read this and literally laughed. I was always encouraged to be independent by my parents in almost all of the things.  As a result, I tend to make partners feel horribly unwanted because I'm not falling over myself in need of them.  I am working on that but I think needy when I hear I need someone and that is not a good luck nor a feeling I enjoy.  I tend to only get needy when I feel off balance.  My reaction to the Dutchman was needy. He didn't encourage dependence, it was just a side effect of feeling seen and having part of my psyche pushed in new ways.  Ahh well, let's not dwell there.  I am super independent and honestly have been better when people shut me down and make me be still for a while.


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