And my vacation starts now, sort of anyway

Tuesday, December 21, 2021

I submitted my last major projects for work.  Had my last work meeting this afternoon.  I will still probably be fielding random emails as people check things from their away messages but I'm turning that on probably on Thursday when the office closes for Christmas.  I'm going to do a little work this week prepping for when I get back to the office and then I will be sprinting through disposing of things so we can get the fuck out of this spot and into our new one.  I have a non traditional Christmas dinner planned so I have to take out the protein on Thursday to defrost and then marinate or dry rub.  I haven't decided yet.  Regardless life is good and I'm happy even if I'm exhausted.  And I'm more happy that everyone is also exhausted so I know it's not me.  Shit is just exhausting right now.  I expect to keep babbling here so I'm gonna include the prompt after the break.  The house is mostly done in terms of repairs and things that needed to be tweaked again.  If I knew when the flipping cable would be hooked up I wouldn't feel meh about the relocation.  If I knew when the blinds would be up that would be good too.  I think we may have to go with temp blinds in the bedrooms at least and maybe the loft and living room until the real ones go up and then we will probably touch up paint and slowly decorate.

Question of the Day: How do you vet a Dominant?  What's your process of checking them out before you meet or play with them?  This is a great question.  And truthfully my vetting process is completely hit or miss.  I tend to meet my partners in non kink spaces so I have typically known them slowly over a period of time and have built up a friendship at least before we jump into a dynamic.  That means I don't always know what they want in a submissive, just that they want me as a submissive.  In some cases that has been fine and we just vibed our way to something good.  In other cases, that didn't work because what they were wanting/needing was either dymetrically opposed to what I was willing to provide or we just viewed relationship roles, expectations and boundaries differently in ways that were ultimately not compatible.  

When I entered the lifestyle, I remember being told I should ask other people about my potential partner.  I should ask about their previous dynamics and how they ended.  I should set up safe words and safe calls and never play privately alone the first time.  All of that sounds great and I like the idea of it.  My problem then is and still is I tend to be in areas where it's not safe for me to explore the local scene in any capacity.  It's one of the drawbacks of living in small towns.  Going into the big city takes a while and the bigger cities near me are never terribly diverse.  So being one of maybe three Black women gets you noticed in ways I don't want to be noticed.  I think those are all things are valid and when you can do them please do.  My paranoia should not prevent you from being safe.  Always be safe.

What I have actually done, in addition to knowing folks for a while, is setting up check in calls if I've traveled to meet someone. I take my time before I jump into service mode. I ask a ton of questions and I follow up on those questions again because if someone is lying they don't always remember what they have set before.  I take photos so people know who I was with.  And I try as best I can to not be in situations where I am depending on my host to take care of me.  I get my own hotel room in my name.  I do not give them keys.  I may call down to let the front desk know I'm expecting a guest so someone knows I wasn't alone or disappeared on my own.  It's kept me physically safe thus far lol.  Emotionally, well y'all know I'm a mess.  I'm working on that.


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