Finding your place or mine I guess

Monday, December 13, 2021

Prompt for today: What has to happen before you find your place in service or submission to another?  So this is a good question.  Not that the others have been bad but given what I'm trying to sort through right now this is a good one to process.  

Previously, I would just say that someone had to engage me on a level that was beyond getting my motor going.  Making me horny doesn't have to take a lot of energy.  There's a certain energy I respond to and before you know it I'm a big old puddle of goo.  If you don't have that energy then you have to physically overwhelm me but you'll still end up where you want to be eventually.  So the person that could mentally key into my kinky side while respecting my need for privacy was likely going to have me itching to serve them which is not a good rational reason to do anything.  Last night I was on a Zoom call and they mentioned the cost of kink or being in the scene and I thought for a second they were discussing the cost of being outed but most of the folks on the call were tops or heavily invested bottoms unlike myself.  I'll come back to that part later.  They were really talking about the price of gear and what that meant.  And yeah I could see good kits costing a ton of money.  I seen people save up for good leather gear and toys.  For me I was thinking about living in conservative hot messary and not being able to be out and kinky without fear of losing your job or your neighbors being weird.  To be fair, most of them lived in more diverse cities and larger cities than I do as well so that's part of it too.

As I am thinking about what I want now, I want someone that takes the time to gets to know me beyond making my wheels turn.  I wouldn't necessarily tell them to read this blog because shit I talk alot but it would help them out.  I'm as transparent as I can be here.  Sometimes maybe more than I need to be probably.  I think ideally I'd like someone that is comfortable and confident in their dominance.  They want to form a strong connection that is based on respect, safety and shared interests.  I'd love a Dominant partner that loves to travel and try new foods and argue over books and music.  But I also want them to push me to grow in how I serve them and what I do for myself and the universe.  I don't know if I need them to be local because my primary jobs right now are work and taking care of mom so I don't want to feel like I'm ignoring them.  But I'd also love someone that is in a position to take care of me in ways that none of my partners have thus far.  I'm not thinking paying bills kind of support--even though that would be lovely--but if someone wanted to surprise me with flowers they wouldn't have to come from my garden or out of my bank account.  I'd love someone that growls in my ear in the morning again or who makes me cum hard before we fall asleep and then wakes up and we make a lazy breakfast.  I want that grow old with partner now.  Or at least grows better partner.


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