Girl Been Hurt

Thursday, December 02, 2021

I haven't written in a few days because on Monday when I woke up my foot felt possessed by evil beings.  I thought it would subside by the end of the day but it did not.  It got worse over Monday and Tuesday as I had to be up presenting for several hours.  Wednesday I gave up on and just worked from home and then had a telehealth visit that ended up in a script for steroids.  Swear to God, within a few hours of taking the first dose my foot was like okay I'll act right.  Today it was a little sore but nothing like it had been.  I almost hesitated to take the dose for today but fuck that.  So I've taking it and am now relaxing.  Hoping it chills out but if not I'm going to work on the likely root cause of this episode ASAP.  I'm behind on prompts and will just do each one of them now.  Not sure how long it will take so this may end up being a two for Friday but hopefully not.

November 30 prompt: Finish this sentence and then continue writing, "If I could be Dominant for one day, I would" likely do absolutely nothing.  I don't like being in charge in my dynamic.  I barely like being in charge when it comes to my professional life but I am because there's no way around it.  There's nothing at all vaguely intriguing about dominance that makes me go for 24 hours this would be cool to explore.  I may be short sighted here but I don't want to be responsible for comforting, guiding or directing anyone in an interpersonal relationship.  Maybe because I know that I would want to do it extremely well and that's just not a skill set I possess so yeah we would just skip these days.

December 1 prompt: If training is a part of your submission, are you trained in specific time-frames, or is it an on-going process that is part of every day?  Have you completed your training?  I never had a formal training plan with any Dominant I served.  I had skills they wanted me to develop or tasks they wanted me to accomplish.  Those were random at best and were not tied to a specific goal to achieve usually.  Just something that my Dominant partner wanted and that I tried to achieve for them.  To that end yes I've completed training but nothing long-term or in depth.

December 2 prompt: How has technology changed how you serve your Dominant? Is it improved, or are there issues with its use? I think it really just depends on the Dominant partner.  When I was last in dynamics, with both I think it harmed things.  We each expected different kinds of communication than we had and that led to frustration, irritation and for me in one situation some depression and self-doubt.  With Mr. Wolf, he wanted to deepen intimacy using technology but for me this didn't register based on how we interacted.  With The Dutchman, I was likely the one chasing the connection and watched him explore all manner of flirtations with people that were not me which gave me a tremendous but unpleasant mindfuck.  There are reasons for all of these breakdowns so I can't say it was technology alone more than it was the dynamic.  I think it could be used well by the right people committed to using it well.


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