The Simple Answer is Yes

Monday, December 27, 2021

Today's prompt was intriguing: Are you ever jealous of your Dominant?  How do you cope?  Again single now but I have been jealous before and I think we have to frame the jealously in the right context.  I have definitely been jealous of relationships my Dominant partner had with other women when we were in poly dynamics.  There's a way to do poly well I'm sure but I was not doing that plus my partners didn't understand my jealously most of the time because to them I was in a certain place with them and should have been secure.  Maybe I would have been if we saw each other often or lived together but long distance poly when the other women are closer just made me anxious as fuck.  Anxiety made me insecure.  Insecurity made me jealous and needy.  All of it made me unhappy so I don't think I coped well at all.  I thought about it too much.  I shared my thoughts too much.  And I gave myself every ounce of paranoia and upset that I could.  This was also probably fed by the fact that I didn't think my partners really wanted me but didn't have other options.  Vicious cycle I know. So definitely jealous in the relationship sense.  In the interpersonal they have something I don't sense I think I would say I was jealous of what seemed to be there confidence about things and who they were.  I found out later from the two this comes up with the most that they were not that confident from time to time but I couldn't tell.  I was jealous of how easy they seemed to accept love.  I wanted to emulate that and to some degree I did but it wasn't with them that it happened so boo.


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