It's Tuesday and I wish I could refuse day

Tuesday, January 11, 2022

I am stupid lol.  I have either scheduled or agreed to speak four times between now and this time next week on things that are in addition to my normal workload.  Looks great for the annual report but sister will be tired.  I'm tired now but at least tomorrow I don't have a stacked calendar.  Let me get to the prompt and I may come back to babbling.

Prompt for today: Is trust in your Dominant a necessity for your submission?  I'd have to give a hard and quick yes but it's more than trust because in general I afford you a level of trust until you prove you aren't worthy of it.  But once you have it and if you have it deeply enough I'd walk through fire over broken glass for you.  As I'm sitting and processing my last dynamics, I trusted Mr. Wolf in a different way than I did the Dutchman.  Mr. Wolf would protect me, care about me, and molest me as we explored his growing understanding of his Dominance.  The problem I think for me was the places I wanted to go in submission I couldn't go with him because didn't evoke the sense of calm and peace I needed to trust myself to do the deep dive because I wasn't sure he could bring me back.  The Dutchman maybe didn't deserve the level of trust I had in him but as he has engaged my control panel I did in an almost absolutely childlike way.  He could have told me almost anything, and maybe did at some point, and I would have believed him.  The only bridge he couldn't get me to cross was a hard hard limit for me.  And he didn't push that even as he toyed with other things from dropping me in a window in the Red Light District to an adult theater gang bang to pumping me full of cum before I took a 10 hour flight home.  None of these things turned me off or made me go meh maybe you aren't my Dom.  Instead the stoke the very slutty part of my brain and made me desperate to please him. 


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