to renewal and necessary endings

Sunday, April 24, 2022

Prompt for today: Do you have a meditation and relaxation ritual?  What does it entail?  I do not but I will develop one soon enough.  I need more space and time to take care of myself and I would love to do that all in right now because I need to do so but it won't be happening.  It will like entail walking and doing yoga. Let me just say the conference went well.  Even the day long training was fine.  I came home to my house being overrun with things I neither wanted in this space or a good explanation for why they were here.  The only thing I asked for in this new house was no clutter and no BS.  I told mom she needed to go.  I told my brother she needed to go.  Apparently, I'm overreacting according to the two of them but he's not making space for her and I am overtired of making space for her.  To be clear I love my mother but I do not like her.  I do not enjoy living with her and I do not appreciate any of the things she does because it's almost all motivated with some perceived tradeoff she wants to utilize later.  Today I got an alert that the old home was being broken into at that moment.  It was not.  She gave the keys and code to someone who was too stupid to turn off the alarm before it would trip.   I would like to go over and get the rest of my things but I don't want to see her assorted friends.  Because the thing is other people love her to no end.  Think she's the best thing ever.  I don't enjoy her and never will.  I should have known things would go left when we were having semi chill moments before I left interspersed with her you just need to take care of me bullshit.  I'll be delighted if she finally does leave even though I'll hear all about how I'm the worst child ever.  And then I'll roll over and go to sleep.


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