no snappy title tonight just random thoughts

Monday, May 02, 2022

i'm not doing the daily blog posts for a while.  i want to have time to tamp down my irritation between these very triggering prompts.  triggering is probably not the right weird but i found myself rolling my eyes a lot lately and that wasn't fun.  the last prompt for this week was decent so i hope that on sunday they will be better again.  if not, you'll get a stream of seven more prompts and i'll blog randomly between then.  right now i'm settling into the flow between work flare ups.  we're gonna be in it again soon but not right now.  and i am slowly starting to right my emotional ship again.  one thing i have learned, or felt, from these prompts is that some people can do D/s in a very transactional way and it's about an exchange of tasks or skills in order to form a bond.  i am guessing that from that exchange a long-term connection is ultimately made.  my D/s dynamics, for better or worse, start because i am intrigued for the most part.  Mr. Wolf was the lone exception there and i likely shouldn't have made that one but let's move on.  i need the mental engagement and connection to begin considering the idea of surrender.  from there we have to hit on some pretty on point commonalities and interests for my attention not to waver long enough for us to meet in person.  after that it just depends on how that meet up goes but if there's a spark all is good in the universe.  if there's not then we may kick it from time to time but i won't be considering crawling to my knees on you.  and really i don't know that i'll meet anyone anytime soon because i know what i want is difficult to balance.  men that will hurt me don't always love me and the men that love me shy away from hurting me.  and truth be told, what works for Dominant A won't work for Dominant B.  Teasing me about my height only works if you are 6 foot tall and up thus it really only worked for RS.  Teasing me about my giggle really only worked for GN.  Teasing me about being a punch drunk cunt only worked for the Dutchman and i really didn't enjoy Mr. Wolf teasing me about anything.  i didn't mention Emperor because he really didn't tease in the we're in a relationship and i enjoy you way.  he was borderline cruel about things.  it was an experience i needed to have apparently.  i'm not overjoyed to be single but i am not mired in angst about why i haven't been chosen.  things will work out however they need to do so.


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