Deep Sigh

Wednesday, July 06, 2022

Y'all I'm able to step back a little.  A MAJOR project is off my plate and I can rest easy now.  Well easier.  I'm committed to my petty play out at home and will rock it until I'm too bored to keep with it.  I have wondered what is happening on Fetlife but since I have no updates in my email account then I know that no one there is actively worried about me.  Well let me say worried about me enough that they are hunting me down.I heard from GN and that was nice.  He does try to check up on me.  The folks in my non kink world are stepping up more than the ones I am affiliated with in kink right now.  Honestly thought I'm not really in deep with that many people so there's that.  I remember having a pseudo active kink group around the time that I met MW and DM.  Back when there were events I could travel to and make nice and just sink into kinky or non kinky conversation.  But slowly after that folks backed away.  One of them began a relationship with MW and kind of ghosted the friendship we had been developing.  Another one was upset I was friends with someone that hurt her but I didn't know the backstory and instead of just asking me to support our friendship she cut me off as well.  I started to realize that another friend was misleading lots of us and I stepped back from her.  Then the events that I could go to dried up and it was awkward to keep reaching out to people that never reached out to me.  I think that's what made actively walking away this time easier.  I was mad the last time I left fet. This time I'm just recognizing that who I am doesn't fit what is active there now.  I don't enjoy arguing.  I love learning new things but I can't do many in person events.  I do miss having a community just like I miss GN and DM randomly.  Not enough to say hey please pay attention to me but enough to know what it was I used to enjoy and what I hope to find again.  Until I do then I will just focus on doing other things.  I need to unpack all of my things and get my room together.  Find a new GP and plan my vacation time.


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