Weekly Post #12

Sunday, July 17, 2022

Prompt for today: Where does sex fall on your list of basic needs?  I don't know that it's very high outside of a relationship.  I like orgasms but I can give myself those at any point in time.  If I'm in a relationship what I'm looking for is typically comfort and honesty and connection.  Sex will follow up after that most of the time.  There are times that the connection is so strong sex comes very early and it solidifies what was already building.  Or it derails it because we are not compatible.  That hasn't happened often but if I force the issue after bad sex the relationship suffers.  Usually because the person doesn't believe it's bad for you if you cum and I can cum if the plane has enough turbulence and I have a good mental image.

Prompt for tomorrow: Is the inner you aligned with the outer you?  No not at all.  Inner me does not want to be in charge at all, not even a little bit.  Inner me wants to stay home, write novels, watch bad porn that makes me horny, edge all day, make dinner and serve my Dominant.  Outer me laughs at inner me because we'd starve if I did that and a bitch likes to eat.

Prompt for Tuesday: shortened Is patience or silence valuable to your submission?  If so what lessons have you learned? They should be but patience is not a virtue I can easily espouse even while I'm trying to be understanding.  Silence I'm better about but maybe too good because by the time I make my needs known it feels like it's coming out of the blue.

Prompt for Wednesday: This is too convoluted to even shorten easily.  Basically what do I like about myself, what are my beliefs, and how does submission enrich my life?  We discussed this last week so I won't rehash most of this.  Actually any of it.  Look at THIS POST.  One or more of the prompts tackles it.

Prompt for Thursday: What are ways you express your submission in public or secret ways you can express it or tap into it without others knowing?  I bought bracelets to wear that said babygirl and cunt in morse code.  I wore them for a while and really enjoyed them. I lost them somewhere in the move and don't feel a pressing need to replace them.  The nickname givers are not regularly in my orbit right now and neither wants to get back together so there's that.

Prompt for Friday: Do you ever have submissive immersion where you have times that your role is more pronounced and you do things that are very structured and very organized?  Only when I used to be able to travel to events.  It's hard to get too deep into submissive routines when you are taking care of a parent who may need you at any moment in time. 

Prompt for Saturday: What flower do you think describes your submission? Why?  I don't know that I have a submissive flower.  I love calla lilies because they come in a wide variety of colors and are so pretty as they grow.  I don't know that it reflects me or my submission at all, I just like them.

Unrelated to any of the above, we lost a relative this week.  They died after a long illness that stole their ability to be independent and act as they had most of their adult life.  That matters for what I am about to say next.  This was not a kind person unless they could use it to either hold it over your head or make someone else look bad.  I feel bad for their children because how we see our parents, especially in death, may not at all reflect the harm they caused use in life.  When my dad died, I thought largely about the memories he wouldn't make with me and that I was losing one of my biggest cheerleaders.  I didn't think about the four divorces, countless affairs, random family configurations that resulted from that, or his inability to be fully engaged with a partner was because he didn't see it in the way he needed to as he was growing up.  My dad was very much an obligation dude when it came to wives but not with us kids.  And even as I say that, not with me and one brother.  If we had been asked to give an honest assessment of his life in that moment we likely wouldn't have been able to do it.  We were blinded by loss not by honesty.  You may have seen a viral story about a son who was named after his father and felt no such compulsion to protect his father's memory.  Several siblings cosigned on the obituary even as the world and the paper that printed it balked.  It made me think about what I'd write about mom and that I shouldn't write it because my view has been influence by nearly 20 years of care taking. That brings me to this relative's death.  The siblings are gathering their thoughts in tribute right now.  I had to ask if they remembered all of this person not just the good stuff and I got what I'm sure lots of folks do when they ask those questions--well they were a good person back in the day.  No one can tell me when that was exactly.  I've got vivid memories of this persons last thirty years and nothing in there would make me gather with family to write up something uplifting.  That's probably a flaw on my part but I'm really glad I have no desire to head to this particular homegoing and that no one is going to expect me to be there.


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