This will be a double up day

Sunday, September 25, 2022

I'm tired y'all.  The kind of tired that sleep doesn't fix.  The kind that a vacation may assist with but may not cure either.  I routinely keep my feelings to myself about lots of things because if I'm not careful then folks will swear I'm being mean as hell.  Some days I may be and I legit don't care.  But most of the time I just mind my business and keep it pushing.  My mother is upstairs rearranging my house again and I'm stuck in my room until the delivery men who didn't come equipped with a screwdriver leave.  At least they are being quick about things.  They have hauled off one thing and are in the process of setting up the other thing already.  And now it's quiet.  I should be happy but what I'm thinking about mostly is that for the last almost 17 years my life has had to rearrange around whatever crazy wants and needs she has with few exceptions.  When I want a break or a breather someone has an opinion about me not appreciating having her in my life and they are right to a degree.  I'd much rather have my dad.  I say that not knowing what challenges he may have right now but our vibe together was different.  When I envisioned grown up me I also thought I'd have pets which I can't have right now because either she's terrified of what I'd really want and doesn't want to help take care of a dog that would be home with her 90 percent of the time.  I'm not sure what I thought I'd be doing socially but the fact that it's usually nothing wasn't on the agenda.  See aforementioned tired so there's that.  Gonna go back to finding something else to do or read or see right now so I can keep my business to myself.


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